Lately i’ m finding business travel comforting and healing. There isnt the constant emails from work, No internet access tempting you to finish another work project, and no visual reminders of the pain in Geralds face, or the things arou d the house that are constant reminders of the eautiful little girl we lost. It is just me and a few thousand people sitting in our own world. A world where I allow myself to decompress and reflect on my life. I can actually take time to reflect on choices I’ve made, challenges I’ve faced, and the losses I’ve endured.
Like everyone, I’ve made my share of bad choices; plus some.enough If I’m being completely honest, making good choices is something I’ve struggled with my entire life. Do I regret the choices I’ve made? My answer would be yes and no.
I would absolutely do alot of things differently if I had the chance, but that means I would not be who I am today, right?
For me, there is a beauty that I see in those poor choices I made. I feel that I am wiser now, had experience I might not have, met people along the way that taught me valuable lessons, and mostly I am a survivor.
In the as 5 years have been a constant barrage of challenging life events. Getting married, losing a job, getting divorced, moving to another state, building a new life and new career, five years of college, falling three floors to escaping a fire, spine surgery and most devastating; loss of three people I love with all my heart.
I don’t mention these events for pity. I mention them, so U can recognize what has made me who I am. I am strong, loving, caring, compassionate, and loyal. I am me!
By far losing my loved ones has been the most difficult. It crippled me when my I lost my big brother, and my dad. A depression that I can’t describe consumed my life for for a long time. I had never felt so scared in my life.
Now I am facing another loss, and I pray each day that I am strong enough to get through the heartache and pain. Has all the struggles and challenges thus far prepared me. Has it prepared me to support Gerald through the rough years ahead without his “Baby Girl”. I sure hope so.
As I decompress and reflect on my life, I know one thing. There is beauty in adversity. Even with all my flaws I am loved by so many people. Despite all my poor choices, I am surrounded by wonderful family and friends who are supportive, encouraging and kind. Even my losses have left me with memories that are beautiful. I remember sharing precious time with my brother and dad during their final days, and I had an opportunity to be a mother to Kiyana. The time with her was filled with love, joy, happiness and so much more.
The road ahead will be hard to face without Kiyana, but I feel blessed for the time we had together. I will do my best to honor her memory each day.